1)
Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia pets. And now they have Chia heads. For those
of you in another galaxy, these are pieces of pottery, shaped like
animals and peoples’ heads. They have some kind of
vegetation growing out of them. An announcer with the most
annoying voice in broadcasting history, does the ads. (Okay, maybe
he’s second to Kerry Strugs).
These
are only sold at Christmas, because no human on the planet would
be stupid enough to buy one for himself. I can only imagine for
whom people buy these things. Perhaps someone still in mourning
over the death of their pet rock.
From “Dumbing Down
the Population”
Ever
since the 1960’s, we have been practicing a sort of “reverse
Darwinism”, whereby the public, fresh from frying their
brains on drugs and alcohol, and tuning in to television on a
regular basis, has gradually lost the ability to think. These
people then mated with others of similar experience, and we
suddenly had a new breed of child arriving on the planet. These
children are immune to learning. I call it the “if Charlie
Sheen married Paris Hilton, their kids would have trouble working
a light switch” syndrome.
From “Antiquing”
The
first thing you need to know about antiquing is that those of us
who do it are crazy. There is no other way to describe people who
get up at 5:00 A.M. on weekends, drive sometimes hundreds of
miles, and run around open fields in all kinds of weather looking
for what any sane person would define as junk.
Naturally,
the specific collector doesn’t consider his stuff in
derogatory terms, at least at first. You really can’t
positively identify what is junk until a few months after you buy
it. If at that time, when you go look in your garage and your
first thought when you see it is “what a piece of junk”,
then you know for sure what you have. It is at that point that
most collectors become dealers and attempt to sell these “valuable
treasures” to someone else.
We
have the great good fortune to live in what may be the antiquing
capital of the country. Part of the reason is that most of us in
New Hampshire are too cheap to ever throw anything away, and, most
importantly, we have basements and attics to collect the stuff in.
The basic dictum that the truly astute New Hampshire native lives
by is:
“No
matter how useless a piece of junk is, if you store it long
enough, you can usually find some bozo to buy it.”
And,
as we all know, in this country (especially during tourist season)
there is no shortage of bozos.
brains on drugs and alcohol, and tuning in to television on a
regular basis, has gradually lost the ability to think. These
people then mated with others of similar experience, and we
suddenly had a new breed of child arriving on the planet. These
children are immune to learning. I call it the “if Charlie
Sheen married Paris Hilton, their kids would have trouble working
a light switch” syndrome.